The Car Window Fiasco
The Car Window Fiasco 'is the fifth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series, and the first one where Milton Fludgecow's identity would be solidified. Transcript ''(ringback tone) 'Woman: '''Thank you for calling ''(censored) Lincoln-Mercury. '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Get me the service department! '''Woman: '''All right, hold on just a minute. '''Milton: ''(nervously gasps)'' (ringback tone) Bob: 'Service department, Bob speaking. '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Bob, I've got an automotive emergency on my hands! '''Bob: '''What's the problem? '''Milton: '''I'm stuck in the window! I'm driving on the expressway right now! I'm about 60 miles an hour! I leaned my head out to catch a nice, fresh breeze when the window malfunctioned and trapped my head! I'm stuck! Help me!!! '''Bob: '''You're parked on the expressway, you say? '''Milton: '''I'm driving at 60 miles an hour on the expressway! '''Bob: '''60 m-holy...um, uh...hit the switch! The window switch! ''(Milton hits switch, but it doesn't budge) 'Milton: '''It's locked up! It's wedged! '''Bob: '''The other way, the other way... ''(Milton continues to hit the switch, but to no avail) 'Milton: '''Will not...budge, budge, budge, budge, budge, budge! Stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck! '''Bob: '''What's your name? '''Milton: '''Milton Fludgecow! ''(Milton panting) '''Bob: '''Milt...uh, turn the key off! '''Milton: '''I can't reach the key! I'm all wedged out through the window and I can't reach the key! The car is going 60 miles an hour! '''Bob: '''You got-you got control of that thing? '''Milton: ''(stammers) It's on cruise control and I'm steering with my knees! '''Bob: '''Can you turn the cruise control off? '''Milton: '''I can't reach that either! Help me! I'm out of control here! '''Bob: '''Ju-just a second...(faintly talking to co-worker) Do you have...? '''Milton: '''Help! '''Bob: '...department. Yeah, Milt? Milton: 'Yes! '''Bob: '''Yeah, uh, you there? '''Milton: '''Yeah! I'm here! Oh! ''(Milton sees a toll sign) 'Milton: '"Toll Plaza- One Mile"! 'Bob: '''Oh my God! '''Milton: '"Toll Plaza- One Mile!" Help! 'Bob: '''Uh, can you-can you take your foot off the gas? '''Milton: '''I'm not touching the gas! The cruise control is on! '''Bob: '''Uh, how about the brake? Hit the brake. '''Milton: '''I can't hit the brake! My foot is dangling about a foot off the brake! I'm halfway out the car! My head is locked up in the window like a walnut in a Sears Craftsman vice! It's only through the miracle of my cellular phone belt holster that I was able to call you! ''(gasping) 'Bob: '''Oh my God...um, how are you steering that thing? '''Milton: '''I'm steering with my knees! Help-''(gasps) '' ''(Milton reads next toll sign) 'Milton: '"Toll Plaza- One Half Mile"! Half mile to toll plaza! (panting) 'Bob: '''Um, can you pull the switch out? '''Milton: '''What, the switch?! '''Bob: '''Yeah! Pull it out! Get the wires or something! ''(Milton pushes window switch, still not budging) 'Milton: '''Pushing switch! Window's not budging! '''Bob: '''Can you pull the switch out? '''Milton: '''What?! '''Bob: '''Can you pull the switch out? '''Milton: '''I can't pull the switch- ''(Milton sees and reads next toll sign) 'Milton: '"Toll Plaza- Quarter Mile"! 'Bob: '''Oh God! '''Milton: '''Quarter mile! '''Bob: '''Hit the switch! ''(Milton continuously hits window switch) 'Bob: '''Hard as you can! '''Milton: '''WHAT?! '''Bob: '''Hit it as hard as you can! '''Milton: '''I'm beating on it! ''(Milton still hits window switch) 'Bob: '''Harder! '''Milton: '''I'm beating it! '''Bob: '''You gotta pull it out or something! '''Milton: '''I can't do it! TOLL PLAZA!!!!! ''(Milton violently crashes into toll plaza) '''Bob: '''Oh my God! '''Milton: ''(screaming in pain)'' (glass shattering sounds) 'Milton: '''I just wiped out the toll plaza! ''(sighs heavily) 'Bob: '''Oh my God, are you all right? '''Milton: '''I'm okay, but I hope nobody was in the booth! I didn't see whether it was an exact toll change lane! Oh my God! '''Bob: '''Milt? '''Milton: '''Oh, I got a curve up ahead! '''Bob: '''You're still moving?! '''Milton: '''I got a curve! Curve up ahead! Oh my-! ''(Milton weaves and swerves and crashes his car, presumably killing himself) 'Bob: '''Oh ''(censored)! Milt! Milt! (to a co-worker) ''Jimmy, call 911! I think we got a car accident on the cur- ''(cutoff) (ringback tone) Trivia *Milton's Lincoln-Mercury would return in future Crotchety Old Man Calls as his main vehicle, specifically as a Grand Marquis. *This is also the first prank call to feature Milton Fludgecow dying. Category:Prank calls